I'm Angry

Don't worry, I'm not angry at AJ. I'm angry at our circumstances. This past Saturday I attended a wedding. At this wedding I was seated at a table with a woman who was about five or six months pregnant. Over the course of the reception I saw this woman drink no less than three glasses of champaigne, and at least two fruity looking mixed drinks. When we all lived in an apartment, our upstairs neighbor would smoke like a friggin chiminey and drink beer.

So why am I angry you ask? I'll happily tell you. I'm angry because I did everything right. I don't drink and have never smoked. I ate healthy, took my vitamins, excercised a bit, and was expecting a perfect child. My neighbor had a totally healthy little girl, I'm sure the wedding woman will have an amazingly healthy baby. Me? Although AJ is physically healthy, mentally he isn't. I'm angry that I did everything right and by the books and my baby isn't 100% perfect as I expected.

He's going to be 8yrs old next week and still behaves like a toddler. I'm angry because I don't know what his future holds for him. I'm angry because I can't be here with him for his lifetime to make sure he's alright. I'm angry that Justin will eventually need to step up and help care for his older brother. I'm angry because no one can tell us what we need to do to "fix" my child.